Everything Makes Nothing Exist.

although the morning was cold. my feet were now being warmed as the sunlight poured through the class windows. i was grateful i wore socks instead of stockings, as the day was growing warm.
the teacher’s boots were so red, her name oughta have been Dorothy. and i know that there’s no place like home. But i still don’t wish to go back. the peace here is valued, deeply.
the sky did not exist. but if it did i would have fallen into it. and i know the tree’s had never looked so green. the grass was candy, short and sweet.
dorothy brought humor around the room with her old teaching tactics. her shoe’s hurt my eyes, but i still admired them.
my sun kissed legs tingled with eternal warmth. i felt mellow but not tired. i could do something, not anything. but something amazing.
i sunk in my chair and felt my face grow with warmth.

its a whole other buzz. nothing like beer or rum or anything else.
its like a magical lift of your body.
no one can be depressed with vodka. they can be depressed with gin.
but good vodka. nothing in the world could replace it.

i have so many fucking bruises xD from jumping into walls, floors, and chairs xD

i am the most stupid person in the world. i disgust myself even. i just realised this:
my name is erin this is who i am, and i dont know who i am
and this mirror must be lying because
thats not me no sir indeed.
she is so ugly. and she is so evil.
look at her life and you see she is so stupid its not because of what she knows, but the choices she made. she did all the bad thing and made all the bad mistakes.
but the people before her have dont much worse. so this is quite fare indeed.
she is so stupid. this stranger in the mirror.
and i really really wish i dont be her.
she has only flaws.
i cant be her..

they all turn away when your down.

im awake.
for now..
had too much coffee on friday and my sleeping patterns have gone through the roof.
i dont know in what way but they did..
yeah

rescue me

please…

is no longer there..

woah this is like. the lowest ive been in realizing that im actually really depressed at the moment. and im starting to believe that love isnt true because to me it seems impossible. who the fuck gets off in telling someone that they have never had feelings that strong for anyone else. but then, after leading them on so much says “this is hard to say because its going to hurt you but we cant be together”
FUCK YA. ._______. jeeeeze just go lay on the train tracks till you die. like really. this is not nice. this feeling i have right now. because everything looks like shit right now. and it sucks.

i wake up wondering what im going to do today and im completely unsure so i decide to just do what happens.
then something happens.
sometimes its something good like when me and emma planned a party.
then sometimes its something so horrible like today.
and it just sets my mind into something horrible. and everywhere i turn theres pictures to remind me of that and i decide im moving out as soon as i can.
and its so horrible. and i feel so upset and lazy. and my life just gets slowly pulled apart like a giant snake lolly. and i cried a little. and got changed.
because i was wearing a singlet and a pretty skirt. now im wearing my best friends jeans and my brothers pollo and im trying not to sneeze everything sux.

Do you ever wish you were a unicorn walking through the desert with a robot? I do.
but if that’s not for you maybe this is www.walkthedinosaur.com or www.loltrain.com because unicorns own you gay bitch xD

So im all like applying for a job and stuff cause I really wanna save and get:
A car
And ipod
I new phone
More clothes.

All those things require money, so it seemed practical to try get a real job rather than be a prostitute/drug dealer.
Lets keep it legal guys

I’ve been REALLY annoyed lately by people “problems” and peoples “lives” some people in this blessed world should get some friends who intensely care about them because I honestly just cant handle listening to your “relationship” problems. Like SERIOUSLY GO AWAY

Shut the fuck up I hate you. I hate you all.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
Just go away..

I don’t even think anything is worth it.
Fuck I don’t care ill just become a fucking hermit. No one would miss me really. No one would care that im gone.

I want to throw up
Or cry
Or get as drunk as I can ever be.
I just want to leave.

These wounds are self inflicted, one more thing im addicted to
No I cant stop. Im going out in flames, im going down in flames..

fall out boy broke up. now its just all those great memories i wish i never made. i wish i could tell them how much they made me feel. they made me feel so great through music and “merch” fobtrail will be something i will always enjoy.
but this is that saddest i have ever been and unlike all those other times which were mild compared to this. i cant just pump out to world with fall out boy. because i hate to love it now. but i cant love again. not after all this. not after camping on a main road from 4am-9 and watching a drugfucked prostitute piss in the middle of the road. my mind is scared by all the good ad the bad things fall out boy has put me through.
but i really loved those boys. they were my escape and they were my “inner happiness” and in some ways they were me.

no boys have ever ever made me cry this much…